UNDERSTAND LOVE

I never thought the impact would be so big on Malaysia.. Reading comments and how they expressed their feelings on few pages, make me wonder.. Do these people really know Yasmin Ahmad? I never got the chance of meeting her. It was always one of my big dreams to work under her. And it comes to a conclusion that, we don't really need to know someone to see whether she has a pure heart or not. It will be clearly shown sooner or later. I always believe in one thing, if our intentions is true and pure, we don't need to go around and make sure everyone knows it. One day it will come back to you and you will be amaze that there are real people out there who feels related to you from your good work.. And Yasmin surely have been there..

I might be bias when i'm writing this, but as much bias as i can be, i just could not put aside the facts that, some people, they still don't know their religion well and yet they speak about it as if they are the Prophets.. I am still learning and try to understand my religion better.. And for that i know, the religion we're in now is too wide and too deep to understand in one night or even in lifetime..

I won't say much about all this religion matters but i do know that we always have to show respect to everybody and treat everyone equally. No matter what religion they believe in. No matter what races or colors they are. Because we are all the children of GOD.. And this is what Yasmin has been trying to show us all along her precious remarkable jobs..

What have i written previously about Yasmin Ahmad is something that truly comes from what i feel. The unnecessary things that people have been rumored around. And my response came from all that. Yes. We all love the truth. Who don't right? But there are some times that may come and we don't really need to hear the 'right' thing which totally is insignificant moreover when it involves families and someone who is gone.. I know it would crush big time if this happens to my family or any of my friends. And i know people who read this will say, "Owh its because you like Yasmin, so you say all dis.." or "The reason you are saying all this is because you are also 'not normal' like Yasmin.."

Yes.. I really like Yasmin. I love every piece of her work and also i love her as a human. As someone who put lots of efforts to bring people from all races together. For someone who showed us that things will be alright if we have so much love to give and there will be no reason to hate or fight.. And as for the 'not normal' part.. How many people really know Yasmin when she was a 'he'? How many people were there with Yasmin when she made the biggest decision in her life to be a she? How many people were there with Yasmin's parents and families when they listened to Yasmin decisions and then accepted her as who she is after that? Who really know what actually happened to Yasmin that made her to make that huge decision? NOBODY RIGHT?? Except for Yasmin's family and close friends.. I honestly don't know what really happened. All i can do is guess.. And how can i guess? Because more or less, im in that situation. People out there might judge me and say im 'not normal'. But really, who are they to say that to me? Do they really know me? Do they really know what is going on inside my body? Even my family don't know what im facing in my daily life.. It is so hard to make people understand. Especially people who don't have full faith in GOD. GOD can do and will do whatever HE wishes to do. Because HE's GOD.. And again it is between me and my GOD... And it is totally between Yasmin and her GOD.. We worship the same GOD. But we reach our GOD in our own way in our own form.. And for that it is totally unnecessary and unfair for people out there to take ALLAHs job and be the judge..

Be more human. Try not to think of peoples mistakes more than what they have bring good to us. Or else until forever we will only live in hate. People usually hate things that they don't understand. Things that is out of their reach frightens them. Therefore.. Read more.. And go between the lines when you need to.. Widen your eyes and look around.. Understand more.. And open your heart to more love.. Not hatred just because you don't understand why it is like this or why it was done like that..

I wish ALLAH give me more strenght and love in my heart. So that i would even love people who hates me.. Love really can heal the world.. And thank you so much 'Kak Yasmin' 'Mak' 'Guru' for teaching me that.. For leaving your legacy full of LOVE in it.. Thank You so much..


AsmidarShahrizal..

WHAT HAVE I SAID ON 'HAVE WE MISSED THE PLOT?' PAGE..

Im a malay. I come from Terengganu where most of the rural people come from. I read the Holy Quran. I learn agama. And i love my GOD and HIS RASUL. And im not 'Straight'. But i like to think of myself as sumone who is unique and special in my own form. Bcos i believe in GOD. And i do believe Yasmin is truly a Godsend. Yasmin was not only a creative person. She was not only a transgendered. But she was also a daughter. A sister. An aunty. And she was also a 'MAK' to the younger people who knows her along her lifetime..

I was there when the Imam recite the Talkin. I was nervous and a bit worry wondering bout wut name the Imam will summoned during the Talkin. Alhamdulillah.. When the Imam summoned her name so dat she is prepared to meet ALLAH and the two malaikat, the Imam summoned her as YASMIN BINTI ENUM.. And. Subhannallah.. Maha Suci ALLAH.. My whole body trembles hearing dat..

Do u kno how much it means when u die as a transgendered and u are being accepted as a woman in front of ALLAH?? Do u kno how it feels when u had to make a huge decisions and ur parents accepted u juz the way u are and love u and treat u like no difference from the other child? And it clearly shows how Mak Enum and Pak Uda love Yasmin so much, when after few minutes the Imam recites the Talkin, Mak Enum passed out until the ceremony over. Everybody there burst in tears looking at the love Mak Enum have fer her daughter. When the parents accepted who she is. And love her like she was born as a woman...

Then who the hell are we to be the judge and say another story bout Yasmin Ahmad? Clearly dis people in KOSMO do not belajar agama. Bukankah ALLAH pernah berfirman, "Kalau kau bukak satu aib orang ketika orang itu masih hidup, AKU akan buka 10 aib kau di padang masyhar di hadapan seluruh manusia yang sedang berhimpun menunggu giliran mereka." Dan apetah lagi kalau kite bukak aib orang yang sudah meninggal.. NAUZUBILLAH...!!

Kalau ade orang KOSMO bace ape yang saye tulis ni.. Saya mintak department KOSMO dapatkan seorang Ustaz untuk mengajar agama bermula dari asas.. Tak boleh hari hari pon takpe, sekali seminggu ustaz tu datang pun cukuplah.. 'People like me' who is different from others maybe dipandang sebagai tak layak untuk bercakap pasal agama.. But people yang normal dan 'Straight' macam orang orang KOSMO sepatutnya jadi lebih mulia.. Sekian..

-WASSALAM-

AsmidarShahrizal..

MY SHORT LETTER TO YASMIN AHMAD'S FACEBOOK JUST A DAY BEFORE SHE PASSED ON..

Assalamualaikum Kak Yasmin...

Actually i dunno how shud i address u as.. Kak Yasmin or Maam.. For i have so much and high respect for u.. I juz wanna tell u how panic i felt the day people called me n tell u passed away. Few minutes after u collapsed actually. I straight away burst in tears n i cried even though i was in a video shooting during dat time.. And not long after dat more news came in and i was so happy to kno dat the early info's was totally wrong! And u are still breathing fighting to live.. Again i cried and i thank ALLAH fer not taking u away yet. And i pray hard so ALLAH give u strength and help u survive all dis.. Kak Yasmin, i juz want u to kno dat u have been great inspirations to me. Ive grown up listening to your stories and success.. I am nobody. Im not sumone important at all. But u are the reason i have bigger dreams. I always wanna be sumone creative like u.. But i realize i can never be u. There will always be ONE YASMIN AHMAD. All i wanna say is, u are one of the of the most important person in my life.. People cried when MJ died. But i did not cry at all. But when i get the false news bout ur death, i broke down in tears.. It felt like i lost sumone in my family.. Get well soon.. Semoga ALLAH berikan segala RAHMAH-NYA buat Kak Yasmin. Semoga ALLAH pelihara dan melindungi Kak Yasmin dari segala penyakit dan segala perkara yang tidak baik.. Dan semoga ALLAH berikan Kak Yasmin kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat.. LOVE U SO MUCH KAK YASMIN!

*Jangan pernah berhenti dari terus berkarya..

Wassalam..

25th July 2009
03:05am

____________________________________________________________________________


And later that night, approximately around 11.25pm we were all shocked wif the news that our beloved Yasmin Ahmad has passed on.. I rushed to the hospital wif my good frens Hisham Albakri and Iz Sulaini. Sharp at 12 midnight, i am officially 26 years old. And there i was at the hospital reading Al-Fatihah as much as i can for the one and only Yasmin Ahmad..

Kak Yasmin.. You didnt leave us. You are still here in everyone hearts. You sumhow have touches us and make us feel near to you.. Tenanglah kau disana Kak Yasmin..~

-Ya ALLAH Ya Tuhanku. ALLAH yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Pengampun, Maha Melihat dan Maha Mengetahui. ALLAH yang Maha ESA yang tidak mampu diselindungkan dari apa jua kebenaran. Sesungguhnya ENGKAU telah melihat Ya ALLAH.. Dan sesungguhnya ENGKAU tahu akan setiap kejadian dan Ciptaan-MU.. Hamba-MU Yasmin telah pun kembali ke pangkuan-MU.. Peliharalah dia Ya ALLAH.. Tempatkanlah dia dikalangan orang orang yang beriman.. Sesungguhnya dia amat menyintai MU dan RASUL MU Ya ALLAH... Peliharalah maruahnya, dan lindungilah maruah keluarganya dari kata kata dan percakapan yang tidak perlu dari masyarakat disekeliling mereka Ya ALLAH... Berikanlah keluarganya kekuatan dan kesabaran yang tinggi.. Dan permudahkanlah perjalanan Yasmin didalam menemui-MU Ya ALLAH.. Sesungguhnya ENGKAU Maha Pencipta lagi Maha Menciptakan.. Setiap ciptaan-MU adalah SEMPURNA dan sesungguhnya ENGKAU lebih mengetahui Ya ALLAH Ya RabbulJalil.. Ya Rahman Ya Rahhim.. Ya Zaljalaliwaliqram..-

Amin-

AsmidarShahrizal..

SO??

So i stopped writing for the past 4 months. Sue me for that. Reason? Simply nothing. I just don't feel like writing anything. Been to many events and having a pretty happening fabulous life and outings almost every night, actually gives me a better reason to write or even put up lots of interesting pictures here. But i just don't do it. I find it quite lame. No offend to people who love doing that. But it is just not me.. I do sometimes write reviews and put up few pictures regarding the review I'm doing, but that is just it. Not more than that..


AsmidarShahrizal..

50 Ways To Make Yourself Miserable

What Not To Do/be

Most of the articles in HealthMoneySuccess.com are how to articles that teaches you how to set things right but today I will be writing on things that you should avoid instead of doing.

So here goes the 50 ways to make yourself miserable.

50 Ways To Make Yourself Miserable

1. Compare yourself frequently with others.
2. Belittle yourself.
3. Don’t believe in dreams, you think dreams only happen when you are sleeping.
4. Say yes to everybody and everything.
5. Work in a job you hate.
   
6. Complain about everything.
7. Complain about everything to your friends.
8. Suspicious of everything.
9. Counting your troubles.
10. Harbor negative thoughts.
11. Trying to please everyone and let everyone walk all over you.
12. Constantly think about the past.
13. Constantly think about the future.
14. Focusing on what you lack.
15. Focusing on what you don’t want.
16. Need others to validate you constantly.
17. Think of everything that can possibly go wrong in your life.
    
18. Being jealous easily.
19. Always envy others and never grateful of what you have instead.
20. Imitating others due to lack of self confidence.
21. Lacking self esteem and cause others to dislike you.
22. Think the world revolves around you.
23. Constantly judging others.
24. Absorbing all the bad bews daily in the papers.
25. Junk food is your best companion.
26. Exercis is your worst enemy.
27. Think that things can only go your way.
28. Do not accept others opinion.
29. Lack of sleep.
30. Lack of goals.
31. Worry consistently about the sky is falling.
32. Plan but never take action.
33. Fail to plan.
34. Feel that people around you are all jerks.
35. Thinking there is no purpose in living.
36. Being the “If Man”. If my father is the president, then I will be successful. If ____ then I will be _____. (fill in the blanks)
37. Lottery is the only way to success.
38. Try to control everything that you can’t control.
39. Expect to be appreciated.
40. Expect others to be grateful to you.
41. You will not forget about criticism.
42. Hate people around you to be successful.
43. Shirk responsibilities.
44. Receive and never give.
45. Do things that are easy.
46. Overwork.
47. Never forgive.
48. Never give your best effort in things you do.
49. Perfectionism.
50. Choosing to be miserable.

Parting Words

These are 50 ways that can definitely make ourselves miserable and are you committing any mistakes in the list above?

http://www.healthmoneysuccess.com/892/50-ways-to-make-yourself-miserable/

Thanx Ogy!

p/s: Out of 50 numbers, only 4 facts do not match me.. The rest are totally a spot on!

AsmidarShahrizal

BE A BETTER YOU

Do you want to be successful? Do you want to be rich? Do you want to be fit and healthy with that body so well toned that you would leave people in awe when they see it.

Who doesn’t?

But why are you still drinking that Coke in your hand or stuffing yourself with junk food and wasting your time before the TV when you should really get yourself off the couch to get some serious work done. You knew that exercising is good for you, upgrading your skills will earn you better money or start a successful business will get you the wealth that you could enjoy and still you are procrastinating about doing the necessary things.

We can conclude from here that the biggest opponent in your life is you!

Human are creatures of comfort and habit and we naturally avoid pain and move towards pleasure. We find that eating the chocolate is pleasurable rather then lifting weights. We want to be wealthy but feel that the re run program on the TV is more interesting then working on your skills.

Things like exercising and upgrading your skills are important but human sometimes find that the journey towards success is not enjoyable. They dream about results but they hate the specific details and grueling work that they need to do in order to achieve success.

If you are having a junk food diet and watch the TV for 8 hours a day and one day I tell you to start to work out. Maybe you can tell me,” But I don’t like to exercise.” So what if you don’t like to exercise? Do you like to have a heart attack? No way!

We tend to make drastic changes when we are facing a serious problem. Imagine if you are diagnosed with blocked arteries in your heart, will you still stuff yourself with burgers and fries? If you are facing a bancruptcy, will you still splurge $1000 a night on fine dining? I bet there will be a 180 degrees change from you. Maybe you will start to convert into a raw vegan and start exercising everyday and bargain in a wet market for a discount of 50 cents to buy groceries to cook at home.

Drastic change isn’t it?

What do we learn from the above examples? We live by Choice. You choose to be a better you or you choose to fail in your life. Whatever the results, it happens from what you choose in your daily activities.

“The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice”

George Eliot

One more inspiring quote for you.

“If you limit your choices to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect from what you truly want, and all that left is a compromise”

Robert Fritz

Think big and dream big. Don’t ever self doubt when you never even try. Hope this article will help inspire you to be a better you.

http://www.healthmoneysuccess.com/189/be-a-better-you/

Thanx Ogy!

AsmidarShahrizal

TAK JADI PINDAH! YAY!

Asalnya memang nak pindah ke alamat baru.. Tapi hati terlalu sayang nak tinggalkan blog ni. So, korek punya korek masalah.. Rupe rupenyer ade technical problem sikit jer.. Hehehe.. I was totally panicked sebab ingat my blog ni betul betul corrupt dah.. LOL.. Anyway.. Alhamdulillah.. Everything is fine now.. And i dun have to move anywhere... YAY! And fer dat.. 'Stories' will still be tell and my words will still reach you no matter how far you are..

Thank you so much especially to my loyal readers, frens and family. Who keeps on asking me when im gonna write again.. Zillions of love fer you guys! You're the best guys! Muaxx!

_______________________________________________________________________

Due to sum technical reasons, it has come to my great will dat i have to move to a new blog page. The page will still be the same but with different title and address. content and everything else will maintain the same.. i will try my best to transfer every entry there. it will be sum sort of archive. And yes, i think its a gud time for me to move on to a new page, new title and most important new view from from a better window.. To whom dis might concern.. U kno who u are.. If u still interested to follow my stories and wut happen in my life.. Please read my new blog. Who knos, i might mention your name and tell story about you again one of dis days..

To my dear lovely readers.. Friends and families who have shown me their love and never end supports all dis years.. THANK YOU SO MUCH! May ALLAH BLESS you guys and showers you wif lots and lots of LOVE and RAHMAT..

Dis blog is to young to die.. And i will, shall not kill it. Dis blog will keep doing wut its best which is 'TELLING STORIES'.. Address may change.. Title may change.. But my heart and thoughts will always stay the same..

Please.. Please visit me and continue your love and supports here... I give you..

http://www.setanggiwangikemenyankelat.blogspot.com

p/s: *please IGNORE dis add.. Insyallah kalau diberi peluang mungkin satu hari nanti blog di alamat ini akan diguna pakai untuk tema yang baru.. Well at least i already have a new title now..!

Lots and lottttsssss of LOVE!




AsmidarShahrizal..

..BAGAIKAN SAKTI..

Setiap orang punya impian.
Impian itu yang bisa meneruskan kehidupan ini
Impian dinda adalah,
Untuk mendapatkan cinta sejati..

Jika patah sayap rajawali
Bertongkat jua kanda kemari..

Adinda anggap sebagai JANJI..

Cinta datang
Tanpa diundang
Seumur masa tercipta

Dia datang bagai sakti
Bagai menyaksi mekar
Kembang pagi
Ohhh..

Cinta datang
Dengan senyuman
Panasnya membakar mentari

Wajah yang tergambar
Tak akan terpudar
Dari hati insan yang fana ini
Fana ini

Tak mungkin mentari
Akan terus sembunyi

Tiada sempadan
Tak bisa kulewati

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan ragaku
Menanti muara sengsara
Jika ini ketentuannya

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan raga
Jika ini ketentuannya
Kaukan jadi milikku jua

-Untuk terakhir kali..

AsmidarShahrizal..

AKU TAK MAMPU...

Sejak kebelakangan ni, sejak macam macam bende yang dah terjadi, aku rase makin lost. Bukan lost as in tak tahu nak pegi mane. But lost as in im keeping myself busy wif so many things. Lost sebab dah terlampau banyak keje yang aku buat. Berbagai projek aku involve. Ade yang libat duit dan ade yang pro-bono. And aku redah aje buat semua bende. Macam dah takde fokus dan dah takde haluan yang tetap.

Ade kawan yang cakap bagus dan ade jugak kawan yang cakap, "Ko ni dah macam gile kuasa aku tengok. Sumer bende nak buat. Ko kene ade fokus untuk buat sumthing. Ko tak boleh tamak dan buat semua bende. Nanti satu pon tak menjadi." Hmm... Memang betul cakap kawan aku tu. But for the moment, aku perlukan ape sahaja untuk terus buatkan aku bergerak. Juz to distract my attention from thinking n fall into deep depression. I dun want dat to happen. But, does it really work?

Secara jujurnya, aku rase aku masih lagi tak boleh alih perhatian aku dan terima hakikat yang 'dia' dah takde. 'Dia' dah hilang. 'Dia' dah tak kenal aku. Dan 'dia' dah taknak kenal aku. "Astghfirullah hal a'zim.. Subhanallah.." Tiap kali persoalan ni datang dalam kepala aku, aku macam orang meroyan meratib dengan segala zikir yang aku ingat. Hanya untuk cube usir ingatan ingatan macam tu. Ingatan yang cukup sakit walau hanya sekadar ingatan tu kadang kadang hanya lalu aje.

Hidup selama 6 tahun bukan singkat. Sepanjang 6 tahun tu macam macam bende yang dilalui. Lebih banyak air mata dari senyum tawa. Tapi aku cekalkan jugak hati. Sabar. Doa. Ikhlas menerima. Dengan harapan, Insyaallah.. Mungkin aku derita sekarang tapi bahagia di hadapan. Namun.. Sudahnya? Mungkin bukan kerana sakit ditinggalkan yang asyik menganggu aku, tapi kerana hakikat kemampuan seseorang yang telah berjanji, bersumpah dan telah menjadi orang yang cukup baik selama 6 tahun, rupa rupanya seorang penipu.

Aku rase macam hidup selama 6 tahun ni macam mimpi. Bila rupanya, takde satu pun memori yang aku ade bersama dia selama 6 tahun ini adelah benar. Semuanya hanyalah satu rekaan. Satu dongeng yang penuh penghayatan, disulam dengan angan angan indah, ditabur dengan kata kata cantik, dan didodoi dengan tingkah laku yang umpama tiada cacat cela membuai buai aku selama 6 tahun. "SUBHANALLAH" Hebat sungguh lakonan dia. Inilah halnya yang menghantui aku siang malam. Satu kenyataan yang takkan mampu aku cerna walaupun sehingga mati. Berbagai soalan yang takkan mampu aku saingi dengan akal fikiran ku yang serba lemah ni. Aku lemah sangat sangat.. Aku tak mampu lupakan 'dia'..


YA ALLAH YA TUHANKU.. YA ALLAH YA RAHMAN.. YA ALLAH YA RAHHIM.. YA ALLAH YA A'ZIZ.. YA JABBAR.. YA MUTAKABBIR.. YA ZALJALA LI WAL IQRAM.. SESUNGGUHNYA AKU BERIMAN KEPADA MU YA ALLAH... SESUNGGUHNYA AKU CINTA DAN AKU IKHLAS PADA MU YA ALLAH.. BERIKANLAH AKU KEKUATAN.. BERIKANLAH AKU SEMANGAT UNTUK MENGHARUNGI SEMUA INI YA ALLAH.. REDHA KAN LAH DIRI KU WALAUPUN HATI KU SUKAR MENERIMANYA YA ALLAH.. IKHLAS KAN LAH DIRI KU WALAUPUN JIWA KU DERITA KERANANYA YA ALLAH.. BERIKANLAH YANG TERBAIK BUAT DIRI KU.. TUNJUKKANLAH JALAN YANG TELAH ENGKAU TETAPKAN BUAT KU.. KERANA ENGKAU ADALAH TUHAN YANG MAHA MENGETAHUI MENGATASI SEGALA KUASA YANG ADA DI DUNIA DAN AKHIRAT INI..

Amin..


AsmidarShahrizal

CLARIFICATION

Ramai yang bertanyakan, "Az. Ko still akan letak nama SHAHRIZAL kat belakang nama ko tu ke?" Jawapannya adalah..

YES!! Saya akan masih guna dan bawa nama SHAHRIZAL tu di belakang nama saya. Sebabnya, SHAHRIZAL tu tak pernah wujud. Jadi kalau dia tak pernah wujud, kenapa saya kena tukar nama kan.. Maknanya nama SHAHRIZAL itu tidak ade kene mengena dengan sesiapa dan nama itu bebas untuk dijadikan nama saya.

And also, bearing dis SHAHRIZALs name behind my name will always be a reminder to myself dat i've been fooled and deceived for 6 years. I will have to face the fact dat im an idiot and dis will be my punishment and let dis name be the mark of my stupidity.

Also i wanna thank my lovely frens (u kno who u are) and my cousin sister who gave me supports and hold my hand when i need the strength to get back on my feet. U guys are treasure in my heart. Thanx a zillion of times!

For my dearest readers.. Cerita ni bukan untuk menagih simpati ataupun untuk mencari perhatian.. I badly feel the urge of sharing dis story wif u guys so dat nobody will end up like me. And for those yang pernah mengalami kejadian seperti ini, let ur strength and my strength be one and together we will pave our way for a better future. Coincidently, INFIDELITY has become quite a hot topic among my frens. Some of my frens are still tangle in dis complicated situation. Dats why i took the liberty of writing my own story. I really hope dis story can at least relate to other people who still experiencing it and help in any ways. It took me about 2 months to finally pull all the words together and put it in my blog. Believe me its hard. It is very hard.. But, INSYAALLAH wif positive energy from my dearest friends, i will be ok. And i hope u guys out there will be alright as well..


Semoga ALLAH terus merahmati kita semua dengan KEBESARAN dan KEAGUNGANNYA..

Amin..


Asmidar Shahrizal

UNTUK TERAKHIR KALI-SUMPAHKU

Seharian mengemas rumah. Sekarang baru ada masa untuk duduk dan membelek ape yang patut in my lappy. Selak selak gambar lama, gambar baru.. Peristiwa peristiwa yang dah berlaku sepanjang 2008.. Bagi kawan kawan rapat, mesti dah tahu ape kronologi peristiwa sepanjang 2 bulan ni.

Bila fikir fikir balik, berbaloi ke ape yang dah aku buat selama ni? Kenape bende ni jadi macam ni? Kenapa bende ni tak jadi macam tu? Asking questions are the best thing i could do now. Apperently, when we dun get any answers, we never stop asking hurtful questions to ourself.

Alfred a good friend of mine, penah cakap kat aku "Az.. U have to learn to let things go with its nature course. U cannot control everything.." Pendek jer ayat tu but very meaningful to me. Being me, i always wanna get things into details. I cant juz let things go when i think it has affected my life. Sangat penyabar sehingga aku boleh biarkan diri aku ditipu selama 6 tahun walaupun pada hakikatnya, aku memang dah tahu kebenaran tidak mampu menjadi semanis yang dirasa.

Banyak pengorbanan yang aku dah buat. Dan selama ni aku sangka 'my other half' pun turut berkorban sama. But it appears to me, i am the only one thought all dis relationship stuff was real. While 'my other half' sebok mencipta satu ilusi dan dunia yang sangat cantik untuk aku, he is actually living another live out there. Hebat kan lakonan dan drama yang direka khas untuk aku?

Wutever it is, walau macam mana teruk pun kejadian yang dah berlaku pada diri aku, i have no one to blame else then myself. I let myself being fooled and deceived. I should not let dat happen. Ever again, i should never let dat happen. And kalau bagi lelaki tu berasa megah dan bangga dengan ape yang dia dah lakukan, biarlah.. Mungkin bukan hari ni, mungkin bukan esok tapi akan sampai satu hari nanti dia akan terima balasan dari kuasa yang lebih hebat dari kita semua.

Aku salah sebab aku membiarkan diri aku tenggelam dengan janji janji dan sumpah setia dia. Tapi dia silap sebab dia ingat dia boleh masuk dalam kehidupan seseorang, musnahkan hidup orang tu dan kemudian keluar macam tiada apa yang berlaku. Itulah kesilapan dia. So.. Now u guys understand why i cant let dis one thing go with its nature course. Because there is nothing natural or real about it. He personally wrote, directed and end the whole drama exactly the way he want it. And now, my own drama is going to start. And dis time, the new drama will have its own plot written, directed and it will end accordingly how i want it to be.

6 years i have been deceived, and i think i dun mind waiting even another 20 years to get even wif the greatest drama ever!


*Sesungguhnya doa doa orang yang teraniaya itu dimakbulkan TUHAN...


Asmidar Shahrizal

2009 WITHOUT A CLOSURE

2009 and im 26. Geezz... Wuts worse then dat? Im 26 and i havent reach anything in my life yet, or the fact dat i juz got dumped? I've been in and out different of phases. From baby, kids to a messed up teenager. Now if we see it from another angle, i was a special partner to sumone. A guy who have been wif me for 6 complete years. I wudnt say its the most perfect relationship, but being a simple gal like me, i guess its juz enuff.

And dis year i will still carry all those labels as daughter, sister, student but NO MOREspecial soulmate to dat man who suddenly went to MIA! So.. Happy New Year to me!! Wut a blast celebration of the new chapter for me kan?

Memang pelik relationship ni. Today u have it, tomorrow u wake up in the morning NOT HAVING IT ANYMORE. Sumtimes i wonder how on earth does dis love matter really works. Wut do they really want??! Wut more?? Well actually no point arguing bout all dis. Its way too complicated for a simple human being like me to digest.

Wutever it is, i feel bad for guys out there who cant value a true love. Love is suppose to be beautiful and filled wif great hopes and dreams in it. So, for those who cant commit, tell wut u feel and be honest bout it. Apart from the great sex, a clear communication is one of the best way to express how u feel towards each other. Dun be juz gud expressing ur feelings on bed, make use ur tongue for sumthing else as well. Dat is VERBAL COMMUNICATION!

If u want to get out from the relationship, whether its right or wrong, be brave to tell it to your partner. Dun do magic tricks 'AbraCadbra' and suddenly.. 'POOFF!!' you dissapear in the thin air! Your partner have the rights to get her closure. She have the rights to mourn and grieve over it and then starts a new life eventually wif sumone else! And how the hell she suppose to start her new life when u vanished juz like dat leaving not even a single clue wut is going on and wut has gone wrong!.

Seriously guys.. When u start sumthing and it turns out u need to escape from it because u dun like it anymore, at least be a man and HAVE SOME BALLS TO END IT!!


Asmidar